Cheap Gothic Soap Opera, Part 71

"It is time, Toni Spumoni, that you understand the nature of the second round," screeched the book voice.
"Fine! Just stop screeching," yelled Toni.
"Screech screech screech," hummed the voice. "But in all seriousness," continued the voice altogether velvety with prickers,"there are great dangers ahead. I am Zorthyesdedon-5, the third of four such books created by the WRITORS when they discovered earth. I was made to guard over the agents of the writors against the agents of the producors. The writor spirits led you to me, and so you are now returned to the real world, having passed through the many layers of writtorn reality.

I need you because I am useless without a human HOST! ('a non parasitic kind,' the voice seemed to imply')! The agents of the producors--lobstors, oystors, fern--are determined to stop us. But quick! You must take me to the Miskatonic Library in Arkham. I cannot talk to you right now...my voice is needed elsewhere...good luuuuhhhhck ...."

Toni looked across at the place where the book was lying on the green grass. But to his infinite horror, there was a fern in tea-kettle armor sitting near it. Toni remembered that the fern only seemed to move when he was looking away, and so he learched closer with slow, precise steps. Then his gaze was diverted with a blow to the head by some heavy object. Quickly recovering his balance, Toni saw the highly mobile lobstor creeping next to him, carrying the oystor in his claw. Looking back at the book, he realized that the fern had shifted at least two feet closor.

Trying not to divert his gaze while protecting his face from the oystor throwing lobstor, Toni reached down to fetch the book. Suddenly, his mind, along with the upper joint of his left pinky-finger, were engulfed in a glittering buzzing sensation. Through this haze, a voice...or rather, a non-euclidean infinitude of voice-like sonic compounds, arose swiftly and with an infinitely intimidating aggression:

"EEEEEEhhhahhEEEEEEE! I am Syjeo, FERN! Venture further not on your life now! EEEEEEEEHHhhh."

Snapping out of the treacherous trance, Toni kicked the iron-clad fern and dashed away with the book. Little did he realize that the oystor had attached itself to his coat-tail having been flung by the lobstor.

While running away, he thought he heard another buzzing, and a faint voice, "EEh, Syjeooo, FERN! FERNS awaken! All ferns awaken to fight the WRITOR INFIDEL!"

(OP: Ben, January 22 2008)