Pre-History and Its Culmination in the USA, Section 4

Section 4: Entertainment and Expansions - A New Beginning

About 2 Million years after the start of the Renaissance, people generally started to get bored with art. The paintings and sculptures were old, unmoving, and too easy to set on fire. The lower classes took to the streets, looting and pillaging in search for better entertainment. The nobility were at odds at what to do, and in fact many lords and princes, tired of the stranglehold that art had over the entertainment industry took the side of the people, raising mobs of their own. While these mobs were very violent, they did not harm any art, for they did not feel it was worth their time. The situation worsened over the next 3 thousand years. Men were turning into chickens, women into doors. Water would spontaneously combust whenever it came into contact with lettuce. Houses would just get up and walk away. There was a general loss of cultural identity, especially when one day you'd be sleeping in Paris and the next day your house would be in Kiev. It was new entertainment, but it was at a cost.

In the near east, both of the main empires had by this time faded into obscurity. The cannabids had given up any intention of world domination 1 billion years before and were content to smoke out of their bronze bongs. Smaller tribes were beginning to grow prominent and gain power in this power vacuum, but it was not to last. For the lazy, effiminate Ignasians had eaten so much starch during "The Starch Age" that their collective weight was actually causing the Asian continent to sink. An idealistic young man named "Jack LaLaine The Slayer" came to power with the hope of bringing his once great civilization to power again. He decided, foolishly, to implement a calisthenics program throughout his country. On a sunny morning in 1 billion B.C. in the capital city, Viklashyderabad, he shouted those fateful words, "Who's ready to get energ-maxed!" All the Ignasians jumped up at once landing on the ground with a resounding thud and tipping the entire Eurasian continent. The entertainment-seeking lower classes were catapulted from Europe, over Asia, over the Pacific ocean, and onto the West Coast, where they promptly found Hollywood and started the Entertainment Industry as it is known today. These brave and bewildered pilgrims were the first colonists of America. However, the European nobility was to retain control over the colonists for another billion and a half years, eventually leading to the fight for Americas independence.

Section 5: Jesus...

(OP: Nate, November 7 2006)