But neither the President and not those advisors of his knew that the bank, versed as it was on the necronomicon and endowed with the pompous intellect of the Hamilton, hatched a horrific scheme intended to hold the nation hostage in its ethereal and malignant grip of fear. Namely, the bank went to the Museum of America (since reformed as the "Giftshop of America") and dug into the secret vault where the Atlantean "Ring of Nabphelgon" was kept, the single dread source of economic growth and prosperity for America, that, by its mysterious and sultry ways, had been the cornerstone of the American system and Henry Clay's rising political career.
Putting the ring on its finger, HamiltonBank swelled with might, and the Ring of Nantuxet--bringer of manufacturing, and the Ring of Ndiana--bearer of wheat and grain, and the Ring of Dixxi--source of cotton, all of the Rings of Power and regional specialization came to the Bank, and together they were bound within the one Ring, Nabphailegion, and together the Nation stood in awe of the bank. But not Jackson, but not Jackson, for only Jackson was strong enough to resist the thing's awful influence, only he was deafeningly rich enough to care little for the economy of his fellow Americans, and only he knew that the future of the small farmer lay on his shoulders, and so Jackson, when all else seemed lost, rode forward on his white pelican-friend and his hordes of miniature-bank-minions and made a last desperate attempt at the Bank.
And, against all odds, against all hope, when the last hope of man and yeoman alike was nearly extinguished, hope prevailed, and Jackson, with the Ancient Narnian sword of Christian parables, slew the sinister and satan-like thing, the bank, and stuck it down, and chopped off its proud but excessively and perhaps unprudently exposed index finger. Then suddenly the head of the not-yet-built statue of liberty flew off and landed in the streets, and someone said that it was just like Cloverfield, but no one knew what he was talking about, and he was killed for being Irish, and black, and lesbian.
And so Jackson, victorious, let loose his little-bank-friends all around the country, so that they might be closer to the farmers and horrific pockets of yeomen who survived the great purge, and so that farmers might feel more secure in their finances knowing that they might recklessly purchase more land with no hope of ever paying back their debt, and so that speculation might overwhelm the economy and result in a great depression and the subsequent lowing of the continent of North America by three inches, this being a major problem at the time, considering the much of the coastal regions were a mere 2.9 inches above sea level at all times (for the moon goddess Phrama had not yet born the tides from her rotund bosom), and the constant 0.1 inch layer of water over the entire surface of the Eastern Sea-board resulted in a number of slipping incidents and the resultant frivolous litigation that should have been directed at Jackson rather than the owner of the A&P supermarket.
Question Set A:
1. What was the historical significance of it?
2. Between 1830, how many rings were seen in the Mormon city of Deseret? Why did the Mormons first forge the rings in Mt. Etna rather than the much closer Mt. St Helena?
3. Explain the phonetomagnetic change from Nabphelon > Nabphailegion?
4. When the *PRINTING ERROR ** PRINTING ERRER ** DO NOT READ **
Question Set B:
1. 3.2βψ' * 43 + #ξυπ4 = ?
2. All grown-ups stop reading here! Stop reading this now! All kids keep reading.
3. Are you still reading this?
4. Good. We knew that we could trust you, even after that scary math problem and the no-grown-ups warning. This tells us that you are both smart, brave, and independent, and cool. Are you all of these things? If not, then please leave now and go to not-cool lame kids land.
5. OK, so now we know that we can trust you. We just have a couple questions. If you do them right, then you'll be extra cool! Are you ready?
6. Good. Do your parents have a wallet? If so, go to question 7.
7. Good. Now, go to your parent's wallet, and take our their money, their driver's license, their credit card, their social security card, and their happiness. Good. Now, get an envelope and put these things into it. Now, address the envelope to P.O. box 35837, Respectablebusinessmantown NJ. Are you done, did you do it?
8. If you said yes, then YOU ARE COOL!
9. If you said no, then you are lame and not cool.
Putting the ring on its finger, HamiltonBank swelled with might, and the Ring of Nantuxet--bringer of manufacturing, and the Ring of Ndiana--bearer of wheat and grain, and the Ring of Dixxi--source of cotton, all of the Rings of Power and regional specialization came to the Bank, and together they were bound within the one Ring, Nabphailegion, and together the Nation stood in awe of the bank. But not Jackson, but not Jackson, for only Jackson was strong enough to resist the thing's awful influence, only he was deafeningly rich enough to care little for the economy of his fellow Americans, and only he knew that the future of the small farmer lay on his shoulders, and so Jackson, when all else seemed lost, rode forward on his white pelican-friend and his hordes of miniature-bank-minions and made a last desperate attempt at the Bank.
And, against all odds, against all hope, when the last hope of man and yeoman alike was nearly extinguished, hope prevailed, and Jackson, with the Ancient Narnian sword of Christian parables, slew the sinister and satan-like thing, the bank, and stuck it down, and chopped off its proud but excessively and perhaps unprudently exposed index finger. Then suddenly the head of the not-yet-built statue of liberty flew off and landed in the streets, and someone said that it was just like Cloverfield, but no one knew what he was talking about, and he was killed for being Irish, and black, and lesbian.
And so Jackson, victorious, let loose his little-bank-friends all around the country, so that they might be closer to the farmers and horrific pockets of yeomen who survived the great purge, and so that farmers might feel more secure in their finances knowing that they might recklessly purchase more land with no hope of ever paying back their debt, and so that speculation might overwhelm the economy and result in a great depression and the subsequent lowing of the continent of North America by three inches, this being a major problem at the time, considering the much of the coastal regions were a mere 2.9 inches above sea level at all times (for the moon goddess Phrama had not yet born the tides from her rotund bosom), and the constant 0.1 inch layer of water over the entire surface of the Eastern Sea-board resulted in a number of slipping incidents and the resultant frivolous litigation that should have been directed at Jackson rather than the owner of the A&P supermarket.
Question Set A:
1. What was the historical significance of it?
2. Between 1830, how many rings were seen in the Mormon city of Deseret? Why did the Mormons first forge the rings in Mt. Etna rather than the much closer Mt. St Helena?
3. Explain the phonetomagnetic change from Nabphelon > Nabphailegion?
4. When the *PRINTING ERROR ** PRINTING ERRER ** DO NOT READ **
Question Set B:
1. 3.2βψ' * 43 + #ξυπ4 = ?
2. All grown-ups stop reading here! Stop reading this now! All kids keep reading.
3. Are you still reading this?
4. Good. We knew that we could trust you, even after that scary math problem and the no-grown-ups warning. This tells us that you are both smart, brave, and independent, and cool. Are you all of these things? If not, then please leave now and go to not-cool lame kids land.
5. OK, so now we know that we can trust you. We just have a couple questions. If you do them right, then you'll be extra cool! Are you ready?
6. Good. Do your parents have a wallet? If so, go to question 7.
7. Good. Now, go to your parent's wallet, and take our their money, their driver's license, their credit card, their social security card, and their happiness. Good. Now, get an envelope and put these things into it. Now, address the envelope to P.O. box 35837, Respectablebusinessmantown NJ. Are you done, did you do it?
8. If you said yes, then YOU ARE COOL!
9. If you said no, then you are lame and not cool.
(OP: Ben, February 12 2008)
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