As the shrimp people began approaching the major port cities of America in a coordinated attack with the British fleet, the event known as the Set Offensive, many people in America began to prepare for war or even take part in open acts of violence against the british. In the city of Boston, a growing group of young men called The Sons of Liberty, who had completely misinterpreted Pain's article of tic-tac-toe wrestling as a call to arms against tyranny when they tried to read it backwards, upside-down, and with a ouija board, were already ready. One of their first plans was to stop the shrimpish advancement by pouring the acid from the Brit's acid ships into the Boston Harbor (the British acid ships were one of the first development of the industrial revolution, allowing the sailors to go half as fast but pour twice as much waste into the environment, an ideal which was striven for in the 19th century). So in the summer of 1775, the Sons of Liberty got really drunk, dressed up the cast of Grease (to reaffirm their motto - "Liberty! You're the One That I Want!"), and managed to sneak onto the acids ships without being detected by the ninja mercenaries that were in the British employ from 1770-1775 and then again during Margaret Thatcher's time as prime minister. All went according to plan, and the acid worked perfectly, grilling the insides of the shrimp to delicious perfection while keeping the shells intact as a grisly reminder to the British that they better watch their hides/shells. An interesting side note to this story is that King George III, so distraught over the terrible loss of the shrimps, whom he considered the 16th tribe of Israel, that he requested the shell of the shrimp general, which he wore for 3 consecutive months in mourning for the shrimps; George's wearing of the red shrimp shell led to the British troops being called redcoats, even though they wore only plaid (for fashion reasons).
After the success of the "Boston T.E.A. Party" (T.E.A. were the first letters of each of the three highly toxic chemicals that made up the British acid) the Sons of Liberty, getting increasingly drunk, stopped by the local pub to play a friendly game of darts. While it was for the most part a congenial affair, the local presses dubbed it "The Boston Massacre" because the only front-page-worthy story they had was the 7th part in an 18 part human interest story about one cat's daring journey through the slums of Boston to find his hemophiliac owner. News of the incident soon spread around the colonies, and feelings towards the British and the approaching fleet were at an alltime low. America was becoming a powerkeg waiting for too many cooks to make light work of it........
A contemporary portrait of Samuel Adams, founding member of the Sons of Liberty and Chairmen for the Committee of Getting Really Drunk, who took part in both the Boston T.E.A. Party and the Boston Massacre.
(OP: Nate, February 3 2007)
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