THE FUTURE Agghh! Part 10

The nature of these "Liberterio-Bureaucrat" wars will be described in further detail...now! The years 2018-19 featured a series of increasingly boring stalements, such as the Battle of Greasy Rib, the Siege of Marmaduke's Perfunctus, the Massacre of Prackley-Prickley, and the Crying of Lot 49, events that, you child of the future, with all your horrible winged mutations should be able to recall with patriotic fervor, and so, by January 2020, nothing had really changed at all.

Meanwhile, behind the proverbial and not-so-proverbial scenes, the Ivy League was busy preparing for its resurgence. And what a resurgence it would be, with fireworks and sparklers and a barbecue and maybe even one of those inflatable pools if we're lucky and blood so much blood! For in order for the Ivy League to grow their super soldiers, they needed all the resources and blood* of an entire state. But there were not enough states around to support an entire army. What were they to do?

Using their haughty erudition, the Ivy League scholars infiltrated the Libertarian army and began to spread the idea that the only way to successfully achieve the Libertarian Revolution was to create a state for every individual person in the world. Sure, the Yalie saboteurs stood out, what with their upturned noses, inexplicably annoying tweed jackets, and their penchant for composing poems in Sapphic strophe whenever there was an awkard silence. They were also 7-feet tall and completely hairless, but none of the Libertarians noticed because I don't particularly care for Libertarians and thus feel no qualms about insulting their self-perceived intelligence. Nevertheless, the Harvard Mata Haris' work paid off, and a panoply of new states, principalities, and commonwealths began popping up wherever the Libertarian armies rode**.

Now was the time to strike. In the summer of 2020 the Ivy League stealthily and undercover of the night*** snuck their super soldier pods into all of the newly created states. One year later, the super soldiers emerged from their pods and marched towards Yale, leaving behind the depleted and destroyed states as various peasant women bemoaned the humanity****. The Ivy League army then assembled, within 6 months it had obliterated the Libertarian army and the Bureaucratic Hive Mind and taken control of all land east of the Mississippi, thereby ending the truly sucky Libertario-Bureaucrat War. The Ivy League was one step closer to their ancient goal of destroying the Chaldoreans, and a new hostile power faced FDPUSA and ACACE from right behind it backgardendoorstep.


* Let's not forget blood!
** or drove, or biked, or glided, or skateboarded - the Libertarian army's lack of central planning had led to a quite diverse range of army transportation.
*** It should be mentioned that one of the first acts of the Chaldorean overlords upon enfolding the FDPUSA into the cold bosom of ACACE was to use their supra-dimensional
powers to turn the concept of nighttime into a giant blanket that covered the entire Western hemisphere.
**** For those interested in the Super Soldier Creation Process, please refer to Charles Magnusson's seminal work on the subject, "How to Create a Super Soldier, or The Horrible, Horrible Miracle of Life."



"Ille mi par esse deo videtur, ille, si fas est, superare divos" recites one Ivy Leaguer as the sun burns his pasty skin.

(OP: Nate, September 9 2008)