THE FUTURE Agghh! Part 2

It was at this time that Fate plays a role in our sordid tale, Fate garbed in the cloak of a costumed vigilante by the name of Twitters McTwitters. Dressing in a disgustingly derelict Hamburglar costume and being batshit insane, he started his own personal war against crime by capturing every elected official on the Eastern Seaboard and feeding them to his giant killer shrews who ate everything, EVERYTHING! Oh, by the way, his day job was working at a giant killer shrew factory (they're the ones you see on the highway with the pyramidal chimneys). One day, however, as he tenderly fed the junior senator from Delaware to Scruffles, his scruffiest shrew, Twitters McTwitters was eaten, and his crusade was over.

With all the politicians gone on the east coast, the Mormons were able to move all the buildings in Washington D.C. to Salt Lake City by the spring of 2012. How did they do it? Well, we didn't elect Romney not for his super-strength. However, the bureaucrats refused to leave the land of their ancestors, and so remained in the tri-county area, foraging for Class A7 forms in triplicate until some 6 years later when the great Libertarian horde led by Babar rode out from New Hampshire to cleanse the Appalachians and the surrounding areas with the fires of Libertarianism, and the bureaucrats were forced to take up arms in the Battle of Snotty Ridge (please, don’t ask), resulting in the Libertario-Bureaucrat War that raged from 2017-2022.

Yet, even with the new capital in Salt Lake City, the Mormon-controlled legislative and executive branches, and the Crypto-Feminists odd penchant for wearing high heels, the US federal government remained intact. Still, as elections approached in November 2012, there was a widespread dissatisfaction with the government and its programs, most of which involved changing everything to the Mormon number system. That is, until the arrival of a gentleman from Montana. This Jimmy-Stewart-esque man was sent to the senate to take the seat of a recently deceased senator, and while he may not have been one of them big, fancy, city types, he believed in his ideals and in the goodness of mankind. However, these ideals quickly went down the drain, and he was found dead a few days later after trying to solicit sex from anything that moved. Once again, America’s hopes were at an all time low before the 2012 election, until....

(OP: Nate, August 26 2008)