The Twentieth Century, Section 4

Chapter 90: The Roaring Twenties

Immediately following the great victory in the Great War, the mercenaries hired by Wilson were deprived of their pay because racist Americans disdained the dignity of Lizardoids. These mercenaries, an estranged tribe from some place called "Mars" and distantly related to the Pinkerton Lizard-Men, were known as Qotaareshe of Azavan, or, in some hostile audiences, the "Bonus Army of Azavan" ("Bonus" was a racist term describing Lizardoids in the `20s). Their leader, Lord Baach'epre'ek of Tscha, decided to march on Washington with his legions of Lizardoid mercenaries and their Pinkerton relative/allies, threatening to stop eating Uni-on cubes unless they were payed.

President Hoover himself met with the Lord of Tscha in a private tent. After 12 hours of constant one-on-one private dialog, Hoover exited the tent. In a strained voice, Hoover reported that the Lord Baach'epre'ek had...gone away...but that everything was solved and that the Lizard men would not only be given their full wages, but that they would occupy all levels of government.

"I am Hoover. The Great Lord Baach'epre'ek, all hail the Lord of Tscha!, is...gone away...forever. I am Lord Hoover of the United States of Amereeriqa. I give all Lizards of the Bonus Army $100,000,000,000 and hereby give all government positions to the Lizardoids of Azavan and their cousins from Pinkerton."

Some spectators in the crowd that had gathered by then claimed that the President's left eye fell out twice and that his arm and head..."don't seem to fit quite right," in the words of one observer. The Lizardoids slithered their typical victory songs in a most vile way and scuddled into the highest offices over night.

However, it is known that Lizardoids, like Lizards, are cold blooded and that their metabolism is directly proportional to the body temperature...which is directly proportional to the ambient temperature. During the `20s, Washington DC was in a particularly cold spell. The Lizardoids, therefore, could do little in government, and business went about its business unrestricted by those damned progressive communist types who just want to stir things up. Sorry. In any case, after each inauguration, the previous President's empty skin would be found on the steps of the capital, much to the slight discomfort of passerbys, and the new President would be strangely distant and...dare I say...lizard-like?

(OP: Ben, April 1 2008)