TIME-ZONE! Civil War Kronicles, Part 1

"Jefferson," cried the Robert, "it's over, you can't change the past!"
"You always were a coward, Lee, you wouldn't charge at Gettysburg and you wont charge at...this...now--you won't stop me now!"
"By god Jefferson, let by-gones, the past, the future, by-gones by-gones, the times the customs!
"No Davis has ever gone back on his word, and I tell you, Lee, that I will lift up the South with my own hands, and this powerful temporo-psychrotronic-alliograph generator!"

And with those words, Jefferson Davis, leader of the defeated Confederacy, flicked the switch on his European-made time-machine. But since it was war-time, the machine's foundation was made of mud-bricks and corpses, and the prominent Southern scientists warned that the thing's stability was not stable.

But it may have worked well, had not Robert E. Lee jammed his gargantuan eye-glasses into the machine's soft-drink dispenser, throwing the main-engine shaft into disarray. When Davis awoke, it was the beginning of that very same week. Sherman had just completed his 300-mile canal to the sea, and the South was on the verge of defeat and submersion under the Atlantic ocean. The president was astonished at his good fortune, "now I can save stuff," he thought. He thought.

But little did he know that he would travel back in time year-by-year each time he died, and each time, reality would be a little bit different.

Chapter 504-- The Fall of the Confederacy- 1865
Davis walked into the elliptical office and began barking out orders-- he knew how to stop Sherman's plan, since it had/will be revealed in the future.
"Sherman wants to use his canal to flood the entire inland Confederacy using his insidious canal," he thought to himself, "and where I come from, he succeeds," told his advisers.

Confused and agitated by their leader's obvious confusion of thoughts and words,, the advisers ignored Davis' pleas and shuffled off to their plantations to be mean and evil. Just then, Davis tripped and stubbed his toe. A Union prisoner chained to the wall of the presidential chamber for some reason offered to help, "hey mister, do you need some help? I just want to do good and bring freedom and happiness everywhere I go."

"No!" shouted Davis, "I want to bring fear and misery, because that is the Southern way of life, and you charitable, good hearted, freedom-loving Yankees can go to hell. History will judge our side fairly."

"Jee sir, I'm sorry. I didn't mean nothin. Here, do you want my golden family heirloom watch that I was treasuring and that has the only picture of my beloved wife and children? Maybe you can get somethin nice with't."

Just then, however, Davis felt the cold barrel of an electeroid ray gun against his temple. He had not expected his time to run out so quickly. What had gone wrong? Where was Lee, and why hadn't he brought the time machine? Shouldn't time have repeated itself perfectly?

"So Lincoln," said Davis, "you win again. I suppose that my damned advisers didn't get to the Sherman canal in time to destroy it."

"No Davis," said Lincoln, "the only Southern state not submerged under water, is me."
They looked at the "Current Map of the United States," and saw that the South now consisted of Virginia and part of Louisiana, maybe New Orleans.

"Damn you Lincoln, Damn you."
"Do you have any final words?"
"Yes. I want to know how you got here so quickly"
"Why, I took the hover car Davis, the hove car."

***TIMEWARPEN***

(OP: Ben, February 5 2008)