THE FUTURE Agghh! Part 16

Rick Gallen Chronicles Part 4: The End of the Rick Gallen Chronicles?

Rick and Quigley were in the tomb, a hole in the ground having been caused by the CFA ambulance smashiing into the concrete slab. The decor suprised Rick. It was actually very chic. Sure, shag carpeting was last popular 1,030 years ago, but the tie-dye mural on the ceilng was quite tasteful, perhaps even arty. There were a lot of tombstones, though. Tombstones that sounded like they were either talking or playing rock flute. That was a tad weird.
Quigley could barely contain his joy. “Fr-fr-fr-frabjous day!” he shouted as he skipped across the tomb, “To think, that I am once again reunited with my tomb!” He knelt down and started licking one of the tombstones.
Rick didn’t notice at first, but immediately let forth a WTF!-like outburst when he did.
Quigley looked up. “You, Sir,” he said impatiently, “Should have a greater desire to be chill. For it is the most fortunate case that my ancestor’s tombstones dispense pina coladas! Would you like a taste?”
“Uh, I’d rather not. I tasted a tombstone back in highschool, really wasn’t for me.”
“Well, if you are so unaccustomed to the modern practice in which I am currently engaging, you can freel free to grab a glass, with which you might be able to contain the pineapple-y goodness. The glasses can be accessed from the cupboard behind you, next to the lava lamp.”
Rick got a glass out of the cupboard and had begun to mosey on over towards Quigley when it hit him. Lava lamp. Lava lamp? Lava lamp! The lava lamp must be the Lamp of Cybele. After all, it had been gleaming in a rather Cybelean fashion...

The scene was beyond pandemonium. Immediately after the crash, over a dozen IVY leaguers had poured out of the ambulance. Clarkton had just enough time to dive behind a chez lounge before the bounty hunters started firing and the IVY leaguers responded with their own weapons. Homme was jetpacking around the room attempting to give orders but more often than not taking out his own men by accident. Nick Fallon, one of his legs encrusted in salt was engaged in fisticuffs with Lord Shiwlee over possession of the cheese fondue, and someone Clarkton couldn’t identify was leading the IVY Leaguers
Then Clarkton noticed that the energy shield had been disabled. And the bounty hunters were no longer guarding the hole. He put his head up briefly to see if his path was clear, then he took a deep breath and ran for the hole. As he dove in he could hear Homme shouting, “Oh no you don’t!” and crashing into various bounty hunters and IVY Leaguers. There was another bounty hunter calling out to his men to fall back and go into the hole, a similar exhortation from one of the leaders of the IVY leaguers, and finally a glossolalian upcry from both Nick Fallon and Lord Shiwlee, anxious that the scribbledeedoowop not be fumdangled, or something like that. In other words, everyone going down to the basement now, aw yeah.

This mass insodus (although ‘exodus’ would sound better) was impeccably timed. But let me go back, say 30 seconds, to explain my previous words. Rick held the glowing lava lamp of Cybele in his shaking hands and, speaking half to Quigley and half to himsel, said, “I don’t know exactly what will happen when I use this, but I have to, I mean the dreams, it’s all happening right now, I have to-”
“Do what you must,” reclined Quigley on the shag carpeting, “For I am in pina colada heaven!”
“-Okay, here goes, there’s only one button on this thing, so I guess I’ll press that, okay, I’m ready now, okay, here goes, this time’s for real, waaAAAHH?!?!?!-”
A cascade of golden and pale-faced figures distracted Rick from his fretful lamp-activating preparation, and he finally pressed the button.

A timewarp occurred. It was no different from any others.

Rick, Quigley, Clarkton, Homme, Fallon, Lord Shiwlee, and the rest of the bounty hunters and IVY leaguers appeared in the middle of a street in Allenville. As the others all got their bearing, Rick surveyed his surroundings. Down the street he could see a gathering of figures, most of them sitting in a relaxed fashion on the pavement; they looked like they were chatting, but some of them looked like, bounty hunters and IVY leaguers? Rick also saw himself walking towards him, although with much more composure, and a monocle.
“Rick Gallen D4, I presume?” the new Rick inquired with British enthusiasm.
“Uh, well, I am Rick Gallen, but what are-”
“Finally! Good, follow me and I shall explain. All of you, please come hither.” The new Rick turned around immediately and began ambulating swiftly in the opposite direction. The others began shambling too.
Rick ran up to the new Rick while he was in midsentence. “-not sure why exactly but we have determined that sometime in this hour, me, or you, well both of us, actually the Rick Gallen from all 6 dimensions [RETCON!!!!!!! DO YOU BELIEVE!??!] would activate the lamp of Cybele in whatever form it may be in, taking that Rick and everyone around him through a timewarp from their dimension to mine, Dimension Null. You and your friends are from Dimension 4. The people from the first two Dimensions melted upon contact with oxygen, quite unfortunate really, but those from Dimension 3 got here very much intact. Oh, I believe something is occuring a few block down, possible from Dimensions 5. I shall have to investigate for the moment, but I see now Rick Gallen D3. Ta ta!” Rick ran off and was immediately replaced by Rick.
“Hey Rick D4,” the newer Rick said in a friendly manner, “I’m Rick D3. I know all this must be a little weird for you right now, I mean, it took me a little while to wrap by head around what Rick DNull was saying for at least 20 minutes, but would you mind telling me what happened to you before you activated the lamp. It would help us in figuring out what is going on, and I just want to hear what happened to you and all your D4 friends.”
“Ok,” Rick D4 began, subsquently thoroughly explaining everything that had happened to him that day. As he talked, they finally reached the gathering of people. Rick D4 could see bounty hunters, IVY Leaguers, what looked like to identical President Ch’ldors, and two identical women he did not know.
As he finished, Rick D3 nodded his head sagely. “Well, that’s very interesting, Our timelines were the same up to the point you, I mean we, launched the escape pod. Once that occurred, President Chyldor’s bounty hunters were alerted. They thought it was Nick Fallon in the escape pod, and since they didn’t want him being taken by the CFA, whom they have a jurisdictionary rivalry with, they went after the pod.
Thus, the real Nick Fallon was able to escape, and I was captured by the bounty hunters, who took me to President Chyldor. Chyldor realized I was not Fallon, but he wanted to have me killed anyway so no one would find out about the government blunder and the increased terrorist risk, and also because he probably thought I was a terrorist anyway.
While I was languishing in prison, waiting for my execution, I met Samantha, who was an aide to the President sent to check on my health every day. We fell in love; in fact, I remember the conversation we had when we both realized it. Samantha said, ‘I love you, Rick,’ and I said, ‘But I have a wife,’ and Samantha replied ‘But she hasn’t even been directly mentioned in the story’ so I said, ‘Oh, then I guess it’s ok that we’re in love.’ I told her about my dreams, about the lamp, and she believed me, so she freed me the day before my execution, although she did not go with me because she still had loyalty to Chaldor, her home country.
I eventually made it to Louisville, Kentucky, where my dreams said the lamp would be, but Samantha, President Chyldor and his bounty hunters, a number of CFA agents, and Nick Fallon and the other IVY Leaguers were all there. I wouldn’t want to bore you with all the details of my harrowing adventure that night, but I eventually decided to activate the lamp, and everyone around me was transported here to Universe Null.”
Rick DNull ran back towards Rick D4 and Rick D3 at the gathering. He was out of breath as he spoke. “The D5s, they’re all vampires, from Vampyron: The Last Dimension. They told me they would be biting the necks of all those of us on this street, but that they are too frightened from the recent occurences to do so. But this is absolutely fascinating! All 6 lamps have been activated now!”
“My god.” stated Rick D4 and Rick D3 at the same time, “Hey, cool, we just said the same thing, what the hell is tha-”



What will happen to Rick Gallen now that all the lamps have been activated? And what will happen to Rick DNull, President Choldor, Samantha DNull, the DNull bounty hunters and IVY leaguers, Rick D3, President Chyldor, Samantha D3, Ochloch D3, Nick Fallon D3, the D3 bounty hunters and IVY leaguers, Clarkton D4, Quigley D4, Homme D4, Nick Fallon D4, the D4 bounty hunters and IVY leaguers, Lord Shiwlee D4, Rick DVampyron, President Chvampdor, Samantha DVampyron, Clarkton DVampyron, Quigley DVampyron, Homme DVampyron, Nick Fallon DVampyron, the DVampyron bounty hunters and IVY leaguers, Lord Shiwlee DVampyron, and Frou-Frou the WonderSquirrel of a Thousand Tricks DVampyron?

(OP: Nate, February 7 2009)