The Earley Republick, Section 6

Jefferson was a playboy billionaire, living life on his own terms. His parties were famed throughout the land, and he never ran out of money because he had a number of no-bid contracts with American government, providing them with philosophical ammunition with which they might seem all the wittier at Jefferson's own parties. Yes, it was the life, but for young Jefferson, things were soon to change...

when he became DR. DOOM!



Jefferson's life and his transition from resistance leader to evil supervillain mastermind shall be elaborated on later, when the editor of this section of the textbook has less homework.

Edit: Section 3, Chapter 2: The Bloodbath of 1800

Jefferson and his band of freedom fighters ran through the halls of the the Capitol Building, searching for Adams. Ever since the election it had grown more powerful. "It" was Alexander Hamilton, the parasite that had infected the brains of John Adams, second 'president' of the United States. That was what he was called, but Jefferson knew where the real power lay. He searched some more, but all the rooms were empty. The place had the feeling of death, of ancient vengeances and wrongdoings.

"Vice President Jefferson," shouted one of his aides, "The great hall approaches!"

If Adams and Hamilton weren't in here, that Jefferson didn't know where else to look. He kicked open the doors. Hundreds of mini-me sized Alexander Hamiltons were feasting on the bodies of peasants and illiterate yokels. These were the federalists, the unholy spawn of the first Alexander Hamilton, laid in egg cases on the ocean floor. At the end of the hall lay Adams. Jefferson gasped in horror.

All the mini-me sized Alexander Hamiltons turned and faced him, hissing in unison. They charged at him. Jefferson ducked, but the first wave took out three of his aides. But there was no time to worry about that; he knew his aides could fight their way out of this...as long as he succeeded in his task. He rushed through the swarm of mini Hamiltons, reaching Adams in a few leaps and bounds. Adams was pale, deathly pale. A thin wisp of hair stuck to his forehead. Hamilton on his neck, however, was fat and healthy. And sleeping. Jefferson had gotten lucky.
"John," whispered Jefferson loudly, "Can you hear me?"
"Tom, I can't...I can't hold him off much longer. You have...you have to kill him," Adams replied weakly.
"But John, he's too strong. If I kill him it will kill you."
"Then I have no other choice but to die....to die...for freedom. Do it Tom. Do it now before you lose your resolve."
Jefferson hesitated. How could he kill Adams, his childhood friend? Memories of apple-picking and cow-tipping on Jefferson's estate filled his mind with sadness.
But with all the fighting and commotion, Hamilton was beginning to wake. Jefferson knew what he had to do. "For freedom, John, for freedom," he said sadly, and, withdrawing a silver-tipped copy of the declaration of independence, his weapon of choice, he plunged into Hamilton. Hamilton screamed in agony, ripping himself loose from Adams, and thrashing around the hall. Aaron Burr suddenly appeared and shot him again, just for good measure. All the mini-Hamiltons fell to the ground, motionless. Jefferson's aides let loose a great shouting, but Jefferson just stood there, shedding a singe tear as the light went out of his dear friend's eyes.

Note from the Editors of HappyFunTime Incorporated: Has this section of US History made you sad? Perhaps you would enjoy some HappyFunTime Incorporated brand prozac!


Section 3, Chapter 3 - In which an account of some sorts is given of Jefferson's becoming Dr. Doom, and the Virginia "Evil Supervillain" which followed.

(OP: Nate, January 29 2008)