THE FUTURE Agghh! Part 6

The sheer amount of minutiae involved in detailing these eight years is too lacking in awesomely epic battle scenes to merit the gift of one's attention for more than a few hyperhyperseconds. Yet, there is one geographical locale that we must needs roll our eyes over: the mysteriously arcane territory of CHALDOR! While the expected power struggles ensued in and around the greater Salt Lake area* something strange was happening in the Caribbean, or, to be more precise, although I don't see why we need to be since the Caribbean's already small enough, but we need to be historically accurate, but this is happening in the future idiot, don't call me an idiot it makes me feel sad, do I look like I give a crap, well you're a spinkle, that's not even a word, it doesn't have to be as long as I say it is, that doesn't even make sense wait oh crap they can read this whole thing shit where were we, I don't know, agh you're no help at all, I'm plenty help, shut up just shut up oh now I see it ok here we go, to be more precise, the BERMUDA TRIANGLE! Part of the power vacuum had mutated into a miniature black hole** that then migrated to the Bermuda Triangle, presumably for the sunsets***. Upon joining its power with the region's infamous occultosity, the black hole summoned from a parallel universe the territory known as CHALDOR, a half island, half land-locked Republic inhabited by 14th century Genoese-Atlanteans. This was April 2020.

So what, you might ask superciliously, don't new, inhabited islands mysteriously appear every other month between the equator and the tropic of cancer? Well, but this one was just different. Perhaps it was the fantasticness of their origin and ethnicity or the beauty and sophistication of their culture. Or maybe it was the way they modernized within the course of a month and then, using their maritime skills, succeeded in conquering all the land in the western hemisphere north of the Amazon River that struck a chord with the war-weary American people Either way, the USA gladly and without a fight became the Free Democratic People's United States of America and became members of the warm, loving, and definitely not oppressive ACACE (the Associated Countries of the American CHALDORean Empire - pronounced Akaky). Thus began a new and glorious chapter the Free Democratic People's United States of America and the great mother country, CHALDOR.

* It is trivial to note that all factions involved were determined to use only submarine warfare in their battles after reading Schrorpy Vlanderbluss' not-so-seminal 1907 treatise on how there would be no need for any new weapons after his invention of the splerderblvung (not really translatable into English; it is more of a concept meaning, "happy-flies-in-water-machine," and can be described as a U-boat made from wood and badger fur).

** Yes, they exist. Look em up, I dare you.

*** I hear they're beautiful.

(OP: Nate, August 28 2008)