The Twentieth Century, Section 13

However, particle physisists from the year 2073 realized that JFK's manipulation of space and time would lead to a horrible, horrible future, where, had JFK continued his presidency, Hillary Clinton, in 1998, would lead a peasant uprising to overthrow Newt Gringrich, Supreme Patriarch of The United Empire of America. Faced with the prospect of a future where Newt Gringrich would not be Supreme Patriarch and Universal Sperm Donor, these physisisisisists had no choice but to fire a bullet into a time machine to hit JFK. This bullet coincidentally hit as an innocent bystander, lacking binoculars, was enjoying the motorcade through a rifle scope.

JFK's vice prezzzident, Lyndon Bairnes Johnson, was inaugurated. An illiterate weasel farmer, Johnson was clinically retarded. Despite this seeming handicap, Johnson was able to use his inability to enunciate large words, multiply single digits and write his own name to his advantage; a vast majority of Texans identified with these traits, and Johnson was duly elected.

Nicknamed LBJ for his habbit of saying "Love Boobies Jiggling" when drunk, sober or during state dinners, Johnson began one of the most successful wars in US history. Prompted by the communist abuses of the legitimate South Vietnamese government, Johnson sent in a strong force of American soldiers. These elite forces rapidly formed the South Vietnamese into a strong army, with high morale and esprit de corps. Then, the united American and South Vietnamese routed the communists in a series of pitched battles, pitting American might and ingenuity against the treachery and cowardice of the communists. The communist foe was beaten, and a model capitalist democracy installed itself in Vietnam, where it flourishes to this very day.

On the home front, never has a war enjoyed such popular support. Americans of all ages, from students to useless-- I mean, geriatrics, cheerfully participated in war rallies, bought war bonds. There was never any form of discontent or dissaproval with the war.

(OP: Jonathan, May 2 2008)