Editor's Note: For those of us learned in US history, we would like to say that this wasn't a war, but a rather a kerfluffle. We know how easy it is to get those confused if one i not as erudite as we. (Peons.)
Jackson, as was his wont being a westerner and having the utmost dislike of northerners, was content to let the second Bank run amok in New York for a while before he took any action. He had even tried to draw up a peace agreement with the bank, allowing it to eat all the new englanders its stone-cold, non-euclidean, tentacled? heart desired, as long as it didn't interfere with the rest of the country, but the bank would have none of it. The Bank wanted revenge.
And so as happens with all US presidents, Jackson was effected by those forces which can not be named, living on the very edges of our world with malicious, tentacled intent. The public wanted Jackson to do something about the bank, and they were angry and disappointed (Jackson had a 12% approval rating among americans eaten by banks), knocking on the doors of the white house and then running away very childishly, and leaving burning bags full of... but that is not a very polite topic of discussion. Let us never speak of it again. At first, Jackson tried to distract the public by telling them that all their problems, whether economic or loss-of-limb-ic, were the fault of the native tribes of georgia, an it was with smiles on their faces that the americans cheerfully removed the sole cause of all their woes to Oklahoma, giving the tribes a chance to have a woe of their own, a land of pestilience, disease, and freedom. Let's not forget freedom. I'm pretty sure they had that too.
But pretty soon afterwards, Americans began to turn their lighted eyes upturned to the heavens upon the isle of manhattan and the hamlet of america, New York, and remembered that there was a big-ass bank still killing people. Jackson realized that he couldn't just sit back and cane servants anymore. This time he had to act. But he didn't know what to do.
But what luck! What fortuna! What fate! One day when Jackson was rummaging through his desk he found an irregular bump. He pressed it, and a hole opened right in the middle of the oval office! (exclamation marks denote excitement! - that last exclamation mark did not!). And where did this hole go, you ask?! Into a tunnel which went from the white house to Jefferson's lab in Monticello. Jackson had sworn off of science after what he'd seen it to to Jefferson, but yet the lights of the lab were strangely alluring, the tools oddly warm. The temptation was too great!
Three months later:
"You realize our hesitance to come here" said Daniel 'Hawkman' Webster, "After what happened last time."
"I assure you, Mr. Webster" his hair raised up straight "My intentions are in good faith. Now if you will follow me."
The Hawkmen followed Jackson slowly into the lab.
"Why is it so dark in here?" asked John C. 'Hawkman' Calhoun.
"My experiemnts are still growing. They cannot grow without darkness, the tender loving darkness."
The four men/man-things stood silently in the lab as their eyes grew used to the dim light.
Suddenly Webster recoiled. "What are those things?" he asked with horror.
"They are my pet banks," replied Jackson with a wild fire in his eyes, "They are hideous, are they not? I have raised them, cared for them, nourished them with mine own blood, and they are mine! Mine! And on the fourth equinox of 1832 I shall release them into New York to fight and kill the Bank!"
The Bank War/potential Cloverfield rip-off shall be completed tomorrow. At the third ticking of the hands of time.
Exercise:
Split the class into two groups. The first group will reenact picture 1. The second group will reenact picture 2. Which group is having more fun? Which group would you rather be in? Is Suzy Rifkin in that group? Is that why you want to be in group two? You weren't even paying attention, were you? Just dawdling, staring at Suzy the whole class period? Well you can go to group one, mister. What? Did I hear you correctly? Are you sassing me? That's it. You march yourself straight to the principal's office right now! Oh. Are you sad? Do you feel like crying? Gonna give me a 'trail of tears'? Well OK class. It looks like our time's up. Everything we went over today will be on the test on Thursday, so I hope you took good notes.
(OP: Nate, February 7 2008)
Jackson, as was his wont being a westerner and having the utmost dislike of northerners, was content to let the second Bank run amok in New York for a while before he took any action. He had even tried to draw up a peace agreement with the bank, allowing it to eat all the new englanders its stone-cold, non-euclidean, tentacled? heart desired, as long as it didn't interfere with the rest of the country, but the bank would have none of it. The Bank wanted revenge.
And so as happens with all US presidents, Jackson was effected by those forces which can not be named, living on the very edges of our world with malicious, tentacled intent. The public wanted Jackson to do something about the bank, and they were angry and disappointed (Jackson had a 12% approval rating among americans eaten by banks), knocking on the doors of the white house and then running away very childishly, and leaving burning bags full of... but that is not a very polite topic of discussion. Let us never speak of it again. At first, Jackson tried to distract the public by telling them that all their problems, whether economic or loss-of-limb-ic, were the fault of the native tribes of georgia, an it was with smiles on their faces that the americans cheerfully removed the sole cause of all their woes to Oklahoma, giving the tribes a chance to have a woe of their own, a land of pestilience, disease, and freedom. Let's not forget freedom. I'm pretty sure they had that too.
But pretty soon afterwards, Americans began to turn their lighted eyes upturned to the heavens upon the isle of manhattan and the hamlet of america, New York, and remembered that there was a big-ass bank still killing people. Jackson realized that he couldn't just sit back and cane servants anymore. This time he had to act. But he didn't know what to do.
But what luck! What fortuna! What fate! One day when Jackson was rummaging through his desk he found an irregular bump. He pressed it, and a hole opened right in the middle of the oval office! (exclamation marks denote excitement! - that last exclamation mark did not!). And where did this hole go, you ask?! Into a tunnel which went from the white house to Jefferson's lab in Monticello. Jackson had sworn off of science after what he'd seen it to to Jefferson, but yet the lights of the lab were strangely alluring, the tools oddly warm. The temptation was too great!
Three months later:
"You realize our hesitance to come here" said Daniel 'Hawkman' Webster, "After what happened last time."
"I assure you, Mr. Webster" his hair raised up straight "My intentions are in good faith. Now if you will follow me."
The Hawkmen followed Jackson slowly into the lab.
"Why is it so dark in here?" asked John C. 'Hawkman' Calhoun.
"My experiemnts are still growing. They cannot grow without darkness, the tender loving darkness."
The four men/man-things stood silently in the lab as their eyes grew used to the dim light.
Suddenly Webster recoiled. "What are those things?" he asked with horror.
"They are my pet banks," replied Jackson with a wild fire in his eyes, "They are hideous, are they not? I have raised them, cared for them, nourished them with mine own blood, and they are mine! Mine! And on the fourth equinox of 1832 I shall release them into New York to fight and kill the Bank!"
The Bank War/potential Cloverfield rip-off shall be completed tomorrow. At the third ticking of the hands of time.
Exercise:
Split the class into two groups. The first group will reenact picture 1. The second group will reenact picture 2. Which group is having more fun? Which group would you rather be in? Is Suzy Rifkin in that group? Is that why you want to be in group two? You weren't even paying attention, were you? Just dawdling, staring at Suzy the whole class period? Well you can go to group one, mister. What? Did I hear you correctly? Are you sassing me? That's it. You march yourself straight to the principal's office right now! Oh. Are you sad? Do you feel like crying? Gonna give me a 'trail of tears'? Well OK class. It looks like our time's up. Everything we went over today will be on the test on Thursday, so I hope you took good notes.
(OP: Nate, February 7 2008)
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