THE FUTURE Agghh! Part 1

Prologue
The Free Democratic People's United States of America and CHALDOR (which is frequently referred to as FDPUSAC for the sake of brevity and economy) was born after the "miserable times," a period from 2010 to 2020 during which the USA changed governments 24 times, with 10 of those governments occurring in one month in 2014. Numerous, irreparable changes occurred during this time of unrest; the annihilation of Florida, the destruction of 98% of the nation's trees, the creation of 39 new states, all of them in Connecticut, and the establishment of the perpetual sand storms that now consume the greater South West-- all of these things happened during "the miserable times." It started with an unforeseen coalition of little known and obscure political organizations in the summer of 2010. The Communists, who had been living in subterranean dens of equality since McCarthyism in the `50s, had multiplied in their workers' paradise and now numbered 54 million. It was the Mormon Church of the Apocalypse (with 65 members, all in Harsar, WY), surprisingly, that found the communist dens while unsuspectingly digging holes in the ground to prepare for the end times. Taking it as a sign from god, the Mormons allied with the Communist hordes, who in turn called up the Crypto-Feminists (high powered male attorneys and CEOs who all along secretly believed in the establishment of a government ruled entirely by women), thereby enlarging the alliance and providing a source of cash.

The Mormon-Communist-Feminists, although clearly of completely different interests, formed a new third party. Overwhelming the polls, they won 418 seats in the House of Representatives, or 96%, 32 seats in the Senate, and took the governorships in 25 states. The Republicans and Democrats, realizing that they were the only sane ones, combined to form the "Good Party," with only 17 seats. However, President Romney and the Senate could still be counted on, or so it seemed. It turned out though that Romney's loyalties lay elsewhere; remembering the day that he swore undying loyalty to the Mormon Jesus and how he sacrificed his own hamster in doing so, Romney changed parties, allying with the MormonCommunistFeminists (Morcofe). And yet, and yet, the Senate still withstood the assaults. They withstood them so long that the inevitable fractioning occurred within the MorComFem. Namely, the Mormons broke away from their former allies, whom they realized were completely uninterested in the end of the world and who kept calling Jesus an "opiate," which didn't even make sense. The Communists, in the mean time, alienated the residents of the Capital with their tendency to move as one hive mind, swarming the same restaurant, movie theatre, or cafe at the same time, and because they depended on their collective body mass for heat, shelter, food, and anything else you could think of.

Things were clearly coming to a breaking boint, and they did so in the summer of 2011.

(OP: Ben, August 25 2008)