THE FUTURE Agghh! Part 8

In the fifth century BC, Thucydides, the leader of Athens (Athens was the first city to invent America) founded the Delian League, ostensibly a collective of coastal Greek city-states to band together against imminent invasion from the Atlanteans. In truth, however, the League had bigger plans: under the direction of Socrates, the world's first teacher, it would create a secret collective of young men who would learn things about other things, creating the world's first college. Unfortunately, after Alcibiades, one of Socrates' students, stole the secret of fire from the Athenians and gave it to their enemies the Spartans, Socrates was resigned to punishment: to this day, he lies strapped to a rock in the most remote mountains, and every day an eagle flies down and eats his liver, which regrows every night due to the miracle of stem cells.

And so the Delian League crumbled, its principle of education almost completely forgotten throughout all of the Middle Ages. During the European Renaissance, a group called the Illuminati attempted to bring back this principle of education, but naturally the concept of common people learning things was so repulsive to the European ruling class that the Illuminati were forced under ground. During the next few centuries they would resurface occasionally as the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, a group of superhumans dedicated to fighting crime, but it was not until the 19th century that they became the Ivy League, a coalition of secret training camps strewn across America's East coast and dedicated to educating the new generation of genetically-enhanced super-soldiers.

(OP: Abe, August 28 2008)