Cheap Gothic Soap Opera, Part 82

Sturgy arrived back at the house. She walked into the main room to find Elizabeth, Buck, and another young man all having brandy.
"Sturgy, You're back!" exclaimed Elizabeth, "Have a seat. Have some brandy."
Sturgy sat down. "Hello Buck," she said politely, "Pleasure to meet you, um-"
"Oh that's just Bob. He's just my boyfriend," she butted in, staring quite intently at Buck.
"Um. yes. I'm Bob," Bob said quite weakly, "Elizabeth and I have been going out for nine months and I'm sure that one of these days she'll agree to marry me and stop going out with other guys." He made a lame whimpering sound and stared at the ground. [This is not to be confused with the psychotic Bob and the swamp creature Bob who Elizabeth is engaged to later on in the series. I guess she just has a thing for dudes named Bob].
"Well, whatever that was you said, I'm sure it wasn't important," said Elizabeth, now beginning to dance around Buck while she was speaking. "Anyway," she began, massaging Buck's fake wig, "I was thinking we could all go out for dinner at the Spleenging Pigeon. Or if you can't make it, then Buck and I will go out, and you and Bob can go count clams or something."
"Awwwww," lamed Bob.
Sturgy looked at Elizabeth oddly. "Gentlemen, I'm sorry if this seems awfully rude," she said, "but I need to discuss something with Elizabeth. Um. Elizabeth. Ahem" she coughed, as Elizabeth had now begun to write wedding invitations for her marriage to Buck, "Shall we go into the kitchen."
"Oh," Elizabeth replied, looking up, "Just let me finish this one to Aunt Miltie and I'll be right there."
Buck stood up. "Now ladies," he smiled, "There's no need for you to leave. There's enough cheese in my ears for me to be as deaf as a horse." He was not lying about the cheese.
"I think we'll still talk in the kitchen," replied Sturgy, trying to avoid eye contact with Buck.
"Well, ok. Just remember that I'm not Billy, the young boy who fell into a tub of sardines at the Woodson cannery and was changed forever, and it is all Richard Woodson's fault and I'll kill him I'll kill them all! Just remember, that's not me. Ha. Ha ha. Hahahahahahah! Bye now." Sturgy quickly hurried Elizabeth out of the room and into the kitchen.
"Don't you just think he's dreamy?" swooned Elizabeth.
"But, Elizabeth, you already have a boyfriend," replied Sturgy.
"?"
"Bob."
"???"
"Bob, your boyfriend."
"Oh, that Bob. I thought you were talking about someone different."
"No, Elizabeth. Besides, you shouldn't have brought Buck here."
"Why not."
"Well, your parents don't seem to like him very much. And he's very strange, very mysterious."
"Mysteriously dreamy, you mean."
Sturgy realized that it was useless to keep on arguing. She turned around to walk back into the main room, and bumped right into Buck who was breathing heavily. "Bob's outside, and the car's ready. But it's been talking to me. It says mean things to me. IhateitIhateitIhateit. So, ready to go?" His head tilted at an angle that was acutely obtuse....

(OP: Nate, March 26 2008)