Cheap Gothic Soap Opera, Part 55

I pressed the "up" button for the elevator. It was cold and heavy under my finger and covered in blood. "Ew," I said, "gross." But I managed to survive. The elevator door opened, and out fell some guy who was sleeping; "excuse me, mister," I said in my gruff detective voice, "wake up." He didn't move. He spilled a whole lot of blood red milk on himself or something, and I've never seen such huge body piercings in someone's neck before, could have fit a television in it. "Okayyyy" I said, we can do this the easy way or the hard way." This man and the piercing that separated his head and torso didn't move and some wild dogs were gnawing at his arm and holwing at the moon. I started to tickle him, and he grabbed his carton of red 2% milk and with his pack of rabid dogs walked out of the elevator angrily.

"Damned dog walkers," I thought. I pressed the button for the "2nd floor" button. The doors closed behind me. Suddenly, from out of the shadows, stepped a squat little shape of a man. He pressed the "stop elevator and open door over death shaft" button. Nothing happened.
"Senor, I have been looking for you muy importantee," he said in a wonder-bread accent.
"Private eye at your service," replied I.
Then I realized that he was blind.
"Oh, MY AP-OL-O-GIES, I DID NOT SEE, THAT YOU WERE BLIIIIND."
He didn't respond.
I realized that he was deaf as well.
I shoved a cookie in his mouth (which had no tongue or mouth) and left the elevator on the 13th floor.

(OP: Ben, May 15 2007)